


without you i feel broke, like i'm half of a whole

by terriblemuke (lylacs)



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Ashton is Luke's friend, Clemmings, I Don't Even Know, I'm Bad At Summaries, I'm Bad At Tagging, Lowercase, M/M, Muke - Freeform, My First AO3 Post, One Shot, Sad Luke, Short, actually he seems depressed i dunno, i just wanted to see how to work this, i really don't know how to work this, michael's like a memory or something here, muke one shot, sad I guess, the ending's kind of obvious, this went better in my head
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-28
Updated: 2014-12-28
Packaged: 2018-03-03 23:26:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,367
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2892017
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lylacs/pseuds/terriblemuke
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>luke misses michael.</p><p>he wants him to come back.</p>
            </blockquote>





	without you i feel broke, like i'm half of a whole

_empty_. that's all luke feels. and it's all he sees when he enters the house which used to be his and michael's. now it's just luke's. he remembers he's always complained to michael about how crowded the house had become because it was filled with trash and pizza boxes and basically looked like a pigpen because both were technically pigs who didn't clean up because they were too caught up with each other or other things. now the house was clean, not a single piece of trash on the floor, the house completely clean and spotless. it makes luke's insides twist up in pain. and its only now that he wishes it was like it was before, because at least that way michael would still be here.

the house looks bigger than he thought, and it reminds him of the time when he and michael were searching for houses, and they came across this very one. it was very roomy and spacious. and lonely, at the same time. so luke didn't like it, even though it matched all of the standards of michael that the rest of the houses they checked didn't.

_"i want this house." michael confirmed._

_"but it's so. . . . dead." luke protested. "it’s boring and plain."_

_"then we'll make it fun." michael said, squeezing luke's hand. "we'll make this house the best house to live in."_

_"and besides, it's cheap, luke."_ luke remembers laughing at michael when he added that, and reluctantly agreed, trusting michael to make the house worth it, more lively.

and michael did make the house more lively. through renting movies every saturday and buying albums for them to play in the living room so they can just relax or bum around. through buying books - even though michael was never one to really try and read - like recipe books so they can try cooking or baking in their kitchen and eventually make a mess because they both know neither of them can cook, or actual novels that he'd read to the younger boy at night until they both fall asleep. through buying water guns that they'd use on each other as they played in the backyard when they had nothing else to do. even the video games that michael didn't necessarily like but luke did, michael played them with him. michael made luke's life more lively, more wonderful and happy. he made luke happy. so happy.

now all those things, the books, the albums, the video games, the rented movies that they bought from the store because they neglected to return it, the water guns and other things they had were just  _objects_. things that once entertained luke because michael was there. things that reminded luke of michael, and he didn't know whether to be happy or fucking sad.

luke feels exhausted, and debates on whether to go upstairs to get some sleep or just snooze on the couch. he decides the latter, and the couch is really comfy, almost as comfortable as the bed upstairs. michael had great taste in getting things, furniture being one of them. the moment his head hits the armrest, he's fast asleep.

~::~::~::~

the worst day of luke's life seems to seep through his dreams, turning it into a nightmare.

he remembers when michael left him. it didn't hit luke that it was happening at first. he didn't really realize it until michael really left. then it hit luke, like a bullet, like someone shot him right in the heart the moment michael walked out of the room, and out of luke's life. 

what probably made things worse about the whole thing, what made luke cry harder, was that right before he left, michael said that he'd love luke forever, even if luke would stop loving him. and luke realizes, that he never told michael how much he meant to him, and that probably broke him the most. 

~::~::~::~

nights have soon become what luke dreads most about the end of days. his dreams have turned into nightmares, all of them relating to michael, happy moments to sad ones. it was like his brain was replaying his life with michael through his dreams, all the big and tiny things they did together, as if to emphasize the fact that michael had a big impact on luke's life, to the point where he couldn't properly function without him, and luke didn’t know whether to cry because it hurt, or smile because at least in some sense, michael was still with him in some (twisted) way. 

it's been quite a while since michael left him, and luke's still the same. more quiet, not smiling, breathing but not really living. the people around him understand luke's behavior, they'd be the in the same state as him if they ever lost their loved ones, but it's been  _three months_  and luke still cries over his loss like it's the end of the world, though no one really thinks he's overreacting, because he's  _luke_. so they don’t really do anything about it.

except luke's friend, ashton. he doesn’t want luke to be like this forever, and, being the good friend he is, wants to help him. whether he likes it or not.

when ashton enters luke's house without warning and tells luke to get over michael already, he isn’t surprised when luke tells him to forget about that ever happening. luke's stubborn, still refusing to give in to ashton's idea on getting over michael despite ashton telling him how he's been acting and how it's affecting luke.

luke tells him it’s because he still loves michael that he doesn’t want to get over him, and that ashton can’t understand because it's never happened to him because he's lucky, and when you love someone, you can’t stop thinking about them, even when they aren’t thinking about you anymore. it's because he still loves michael that he doesn’t want to forget him, doesn’t want to move on from him, because luke really doesn’t want anyone else but michael. and true, ashton doesn’t understand, and he knows it. he accepts the fact that perhaps he has no right to tell luke what to do because he can’t relate. but luke has to accept the fact that michael won’t come back to him anymore. 

~::~::~::~

it's when luke's already there that he realizes how idiotic ashton's plan is on getting over michael. it's disclosure that he needed, because ashton felt like michael and luke ended on bad terms. because he didn’t get to say the things he wanted to say to michael before he left, and it's been eating him alive with grief and sorrow and regret. and luke's never been brave enough to go back and get the disclosure he needs on his own. he needs support, which is what ashton is there for.

ashton's in the car as he stops right in front of luke's destination. luke exits the car and stands in front of the gate. he looks at ashton for reassurance and ashton grins, giving him a thumbs up. luke gulps and starts walking. 

holding the bouquet of flowers against his chest, he feels like he's about to take michael out for a date. he kind of wishes he was though, but he knows that's not happening.

when he reaches the area he takes a deep breath, his heart pounding even though no one except michael is there to see it but him. he lowers the flowers to the ground and looks right at his lover. 

"i miss you, you know. and i'm sorry that i never got to tell you this, and i don’t know if you can hear me, but i love you. and i always will."

not knowing what else to say, luke turns around and walks away, heading back to car and ashton drives them away. 

as they drive, luke, as much as he doesn’t want to admit it, feels a huge weight gone from his chest, and oddly, he feels content, somewhat whole, not completely, but a bit.

even though the cemetary was calm and quiet and empty - in some sense - when he entered, he hoped - hopes - that michael heard him, somehow, from wherever he may be right now.

**Author's Note:**

> i don't really like how that ended.
> 
> you're probably cringing.
> 
> . . . .
> 
> thanks for reading it though


End file.
